i hate taxes.

It's true. I hate taxes. Not that many people would say they actually like taxes, but I HATE them. I always have. I hate everything about them. I hate thinking about them, talking about them, and most of all , I hate doing them. Consequently it seems like I have done nothing but those three things for the past couple of days. I know you, my dear blog reader, probably feel the same way, and therefore don't really want to read my maddened rantings about taxes, but since I'm not quite mean enough, or connected with the Mob enough to take my frustrations out on the actual people who caused me so much anxiety, I am just going to vent to you. Because this is my blog, and I can write whatever I want.

Let me reiterate that I am in NO way someone who understands, or even pretends to understand things like taxes. I'm a designer. I like to draw. I color code my closet, I understand poetry. So, when it came time to think about doing my taxes on my own this year, I freaked out. Please spare me the line about how they're soooo easy if you just know what you're doing. I don't care, it's not easy for me, and I don't know what I'm doing. I don't really even WANT to know what I'm doing because I would rather be murdered than to have to sit and listen to someone explain taxes to me.

SO, after I forced myself to get up the courage to go online and google 'TurboTax' I stared to follow the simple directions:

Name: Meagan Norton....easy enough.
Sex: Female....can't go wrong there....
Birthdate: 08/09/1985....WRONG! - apparently.

Turns out that after I "e-filed" my taxes, the IRS rejected it because my birthdate was "wrong," which was confusing because that's not really something that just changes, but knowing me I assumed that I had miss-typed it.

So I check it....nope, it was right.....I re-file....another rejection....'your birthdate is incorrect'....ummm, no it's not. (me, to my computer)....again, 'your birthdate is incorrect'.....hmm, what if it really is wrong? (I start second-guessing all that I have been taught in my entire 23?? years).

So, feeling extremely uncertain and confused, I call the number given for Social Security.....I get put on hold......answer about 10 automated questions about my mother's maiden name....hold.....hold....hold....YES! Finally a human voice....I then answer the exact same questions that the automated voice just asked me again. (for a man who could barely be described as human)........"what is your date of birth?".....08/09/1985 (as always)...."I'm sorry that's incorrect"....ummm, huh? (me, to the condescending SS man)...."your date of birth is not the date you gave me"....what? oh, you mean you have the wrong date? (me, trying not to sound too rude) so, what date do you have?......"I'm sorry, I can't release that information".......................and so the conversation continued and basically ended with me utterly confused and crying. (because I hate confrontation, and this mean man was seriously making me feel like an impostor who tries to steal people's fake birthdates).

SO - I sleep on it and have a nightmare about being an impostor on the show 24.

Then I do a little research on the ol' Internet and find tons of people who have had the exact same thing happen to them. Apparently Social Security has some serious issues with messing up people's birthdays, which seems like it would be a bigger deal because isn't that kind of what they're in charge of? You would think they would be apologetic to you for telling you that you weren't born on your birthday and then NOT telling you when your fake birthday is. (see why I was confused?) It's also kind of a long process to change your fake birthday to your real birthday apparently.

Anyways, I eventually found out that if I just found out when my fake birthday was, I could file my taxes, then change the date later with SS. So I embarked on a mission to find out my fake birthday or perish.....I have really been watching a lot of 24 episodes lately.

SOOOO....I attempted to call SS again using the toll free number hoping to get a more sympathetic "person" which didn't happen...this time it was a woman who couldn't even say my name correctly much less give me my fake birthday. I then decided to change my tactics. I knew I had to find someone who could talk to me like I was a person and not a 9 digit number. So I found the local number for the SS Office in Clovis, New Mexico near my home town. People in small towns are just nicer and more personable than stupid people in Who-knows-where City. I immediately got through to a nice man and explained my dilemma. He was very helpful and told me my fake birthday right away. Turns out it was 08/04/1985. VICTORY! I re-filed my return with no rejection, although I still felt a little bit like a liar. Why would it be ok for me to knowingly give them a fake birthday? That just seems strange to me.

So there you have it, my tax story. I'm sorry that I went on and on about taxes for so long. If I were you and I was reading this I would have stopped reading at the 1st mention of the word 'tax'. So thank you to whoever made it this far.

Happy Tax Season....as if.