a kindred spirit

Last night I couldn't sleep and was in a restless mood so I started to re-read a bunch of my past journal entries, mostly because it was the first book within reach of my bed. Yes, blog, I also keep a journal, don't be jealous. Not very religiously though. In the past 2 years I probably have about 10 entries. Mostly I tend to write in it when I'm deeply troubled by something. Sometimes it helps to get my scrambled thoughts out on paper and then try to arrange them into something that makes sense. So...I noticed while I was reading that every time there has been a common theme.


I seem to struggle most with feeling too inadequate for God. I know He doesn't want that, but I can't help myself sometimes. I feel as though I shouldn't, or can't ask Him for things. Like the things that are important to me are so trivial in the shadow of the world's greatest problems. Plus, He's done everything for me and what have I done for Him? I know it's not biblical, or rational. But whenever I spend a lot of time alone these thoughts always seem to creep into my brain. It affects my prayer life, naturally as well as my whole attitude about myself and others. So, last night I didn't sleep much wrestling with these negative thoughts, and got up early to go take my car to the dealership to get worked on. I had to take the shuttle back to work and I happened to be the only one riding that early in the morning, so I rode up front with Jerry.


Jerry is 70 yrs old, and perhaps the sweetest little man I've ever met. I love older people. Especially older people with "character" and you can tell just by looking at Jerry that he has it overflowing. Jerry spends every day shuttling unhappy people with car trouble around Dallas. I started talking to him, and before I even realized it we were discussing God & life & family. You can tell by the way Jerry speaks that he's a Christian. The first thing he said to me was that he is so blessed because God let him get up this morning. Oh, to have that kind of attitude! Jerry has the natural gift of encouragement. Isn't it odd that sometimes a complete stranger is easier to talk to than friends & family you've know for years? He encouraged me to not be afraid to make drastic changes & trust in God. He told me about his past growing up in New York City & how he met his wife. After my 15 minute ride to work, I felt like God had sent Jerry just in time to improve me, or maybe to just reassure me that I'm not all that bad, that He's in control & that I'm deserving of love.


Anyways...Jerry & I hit it off. Who knew I would find a kindred spirit in 70 yr. old married shuttle driver? I know I might relate way too many things in life to this band, but it reminds me of the Caedmon's Call song "Bust Driver". Who knows how many people Jerry influences with his awesome Godly attitude?
Thank you, God for loving me enough to pursue my heart & help me to seek Yours with so much passion.